So there are loads of stories that i could post, lots of tales that run through the story of my life, but i think ill just let them come out whenever they see fit.
the question i am asking now though is where to go from here?? Ive been thinking about loads of things recently like do i do enough for god, is there more i can do, and wwe can always do more, but in real terms can i commit to anything else?
I started a new job a fortnight ago, its just for sainsburys on produce but i love it already, the department is great the team are great etc...etc... but when asked on friday what the best part of my new job is i said that it was having 275 people working there who i now have the oppertunity to introduce to Jesus!! i mean its amazing that we know him as christians like mind blowing! but how amazing is it that we can spread the word? that we can be the hands and feet of jesus christ that we can plant those seeds that can lead to salvation?? 275 is a big umber but i already have one person asking me lots of questions about god, and that might not sound liek alot but one person is always a very good start.
This girl is my age (21) and she would rather spend 15 hours a day in the shop, and only get paid for 9 , than be at home because things are that bad. she is massivly insecure and she somewhat reminds me of what i used to be like. I guess thats why i want to help her?
But i have a huge problem, i want to help all these people but i dont want to get close to them but im still really guarded, i want to help them but not get too close. Please help, suggestions on a postcard to.. The batty woman down the street, pack it in close, u div city
God is really blessing me right now. i have oppertunities to spread his word everywhere! in all aspects of my life im just talking about jesus, even at the bus swtop the other day. i got talking to a roman catholic woman (who was a bt batty but oh welll) and we got talking baout god and i told her i went to tcf and she was excited about that, and she said she had heard about all the great community stuff we have been doing. its amazing to know that the hard work is infltrating all sectoins of the community!
gotta run brb x
Monday 10 August 2009
Tuesday 4 August 2009
History Part 2!
Soo i left the last post at the very first day i went to The F's church.
Lets let you know what happened since. Just to warn you these posts will probably be made up of lots of not so little stories.
this church is indescribable but ill have a good go..
I felt like it was home the first time i meant, it was love and godly devotion and honesty, trust, humility etc.. all wrapped up under one roof. i felt liek i had known the songs for my entire life, i knew these people and just spent the first few weeks getting to know everyone, hearing their stories, seeing their love. its been an amazing time.
i need to tell you about the outreach stuff that this church does because its that, that i really think describes just how amazing these people are!
So the things they do in england include:
Besom, which is an incredible project offering support and guidance for youn gmums and families with housing problems etc.. we paint their new flats, find them furniture, answer questions and offer support and guidance as much as possible. Now i dont know much about besom because that wasnt the project that took my heart.
Bar "N" Bus: Now this is special, essentially its a double decker bus that has been brought/sourced for the church, it has a kind of mini cafe downstairs offering free drinks and snacks, it also houses playstations and music and at the top, at the very front it has a sweet little prayer room. This bus is taken into different towns in our borough as outreach to the youth and the people on the street, taking jesus to the masses. there are some incredible people who work on the bus, they are all great speakers, great communicators and can talk about jesus in terms that young poeple undertsnad, its truely inspirational. Praise God
Then there is the boiler room/prayer house. The place that has taken my heart, the place i lovingly call 217 9as its number 217 on the street). this house is a 3 bed victorian house, detsteched surrounded by garden, set back off the road, its really secluded, which is great because its like a beating heart, with a direct line to god.
217 has 3 bedrooms upstairs and a kitchen, dining room, utility, shower room, art room and prayer room downstairs. which sounds quite normal but its far from it! The big plan for 217 is to have the prayer room used 24 hours a day 7 days a week, which means 168 people dedicating one hour of their time to come and pray to god, to laugh with god, cry with him, scream to him, praise him. they have time to just bare their souls, to say here i am god, i am here for you, this is my heart, be with me, move me, help me, for i love you, i walk with you, let me do your work, be a great example of a disciple of your love. ( i get a bit excited!) So teh prayer room is amazing, its walls are covered with all the outreach stuff we do, and one whole wall has lining paper pinned to it. This wall is teh wailing wall. You can pretty much write whatever you want on it. its free for you to express yourself your love for god, for prayer requests for thanks, its just amazing!
Not only that but they do house meals. So on a monday and tuesday night we cook for around 25 pople (you book in you see) and its free, you can contribute if you wish there are donation pots around. So we can all eat together, share our stories, laugh together and just have a great time. after this we have time for teaching or prayer, and poeple can share as much as they want, they can take the lead if they have ideas etc.. some incredibly creative work has come out of it! things that i will use on my own ministry, i am always learning from the people at 217, always, they are such selfless people, constantly giving to jesus, nothing seems to much, i am blown away by their genorosity and humility, i want to be that way one day!
We also do prayer walking, outreach at a local park, street parties and street cleaning, we go to festivals etc.. Its MIND BOGGOLING
Then there is the work overseas. in almost every corner of the globe there are people giving time love and devotion to spread the word of God, to show them just how much jesus loves them! i wont go into this too much because there will be more on this later!
There was a huge turning point in the church for me. one i will keep referring to as the 13 days because 13 days was all it took for one person to change my life once again. Tina was part of a programme called transit, she was one of 3 young ladies to move into our church not only to learn ministry but to teach as well!Charl and gemma ar ethe other 2 and are just as spectacular but i dont have enough time to write, ill do then next.
Tina is a crazy american. From Chicago very individual and well just crazy.
I first met her one tuesday evening i think, she was teaching after a house meal. She was talking about other cultures and how we must love them just as much as our own christian families. So the excersise for that evening was praying in the style of muslims but to our god obviously. it was a really creative way of almost shocking people into broadening their mind sets, to opening their hearts to change they way they think. she is amazing like that! just comes in and does something that at the time seems like a pin drop but will then be like a bomb going off in your heart 2 days later!
The next time i saw her was one evening we were dropping off alisa after fixing her computer and Charls internet lead thing and all sorts. I had a really bad evening that day and was fuming. But tina being tina had me crying with laughter within minutes, we swapped stories about god ans life and everything we knew, and realised tehre and then that we would be friends for a very long time. She really did teach me that day alone, how to be a 21 year old girl, that it is ok to be silly and playful and "immature" (something i have always struggled with, and soemthing i strugle with every day) From that point on we had 13 dyas to spend together before she went home and they were 13 days of fun and love and laughter and teaching. She just changed so much and made me realise that god loves individuality, and i dont have to be ther perfect stepford houeswife to also be a good christian.
I think thats enough for now as im really really tired. more 2moro!
Praise god today for something amazing he did (that shouldnt be too hard, just open your eyes)
peace out
Miss B x x x
Lets let you know what happened since. Just to warn you these posts will probably be made up of lots of not so little stories.
this church is indescribable but ill have a good go..
I felt like it was home the first time i meant, it was love and godly devotion and honesty, trust, humility etc.. all wrapped up under one roof. i felt liek i had known the songs for my entire life, i knew these people and just spent the first few weeks getting to know everyone, hearing their stories, seeing their love. its been an amazing time.
i need to tell you about the outreach stuff that this church does because its that, that i really think describes just how amazing these people are!
So the things they do in england include:
Besom, which is an incredible project offering support and guidance for youn gmums and families with housing problems etc.. we paint their new flats, find them furniture, answer questions and offer support and guidance as much as possible. Now i dont know much about besom because that wasnt the project that took my heart.
Bar "N" Bus: Now this is special, essentially its a double decker bus that has been brought/sourced for the church, it has a kind of mini cafe downstairs offering free drinks and snacks, it also houses playstations and music and at the top, at the very front it has a sweet little prayer room. This bus is taken into different towns in our borough as outreach to the youth and the people on the street, taking jesus to the masses. there are some incredible people who work on the bus, they are all great speakers, great communicators and can talk about jesus in terms that young poeple undertsnad, its truely inspirational. Praise God
Then there is the boiler room/prayer house. The place that has taken my heart, the place i lovingly call 217 9as its number 217 on the street). this house is a 3 bed victorian house, detsteched surrounded by garden, set back off the road, its really secluded, which is great because its like a beating heart, with a direct line to god.
217 has 3 bedrooms upstairs and a kitchen, dining room, utility, shower room, art room and prayer room downstairs. which sounds quite normal but its far from it! The big plan for 217 is to have the prayer room used 24 hours a day 7 days a week, which means 168 people dedicating one hour of their time to come and pray to god, to laugh with god, cry with him, scream to him, praise him. they have time to just bare their souls, to say here i am god, i am here for you, this is my heart, be with me, move me, help me, for i love you, i walk with you, let me do your work, be a great example of a disciple of your love. ( i get a bit excited!) So teh prayer room is amazing, its walls are covered with all the outreach stuff we do, and one whole wall has lining paper pinned to it. This wall is teh wailing wall. You can pretty much write whatever you want on it. its free for you to express yourself your love for god, for prayer requests for thanks, its just amazing!
Not only that but they do house meals. So on a monday and tuesday night we cook for around 25 pople (you book in you see) and its free, you can contribute if you wish there are donation pots around. So we can all eat together, share our stories, laugh together and just have a great time. after this we have time for teaching or prayer, and poeple can share as much as they want, they can take the lead if they have ideas etc.. some incredibly creative work has come out of it! things that i will use on my own ministry, i am always learning from the people at 217, always, they are such selfless people, constantly giving to jesus, nothing seems to much, i am blown away by their genorosity and humility, i want to be that way one day!
We also do prayer walking, outreach at a local park, street parties and street cleaning, we go to festivals etc.. Its MIND BOGGOLING
Then there is the work overseas. in almost every corner of the globe there are people giving time love and devotion to spread the word of God, to show them just how much jesus loves them! i wont go into this too much because there will be more on this later!
There was a huge turning point in the church for me. one i will keep referring to as the 13 days because 13 days was all it took for one person to change my life once again. Tina was part of a programme called transit, she was one of 3 young ladies to move into our church not only to learn ministry but to teach as well!Charl and gemma ar ethe other 2 and are just as spectacular but i dont have enough time to write, ill do then next.
Tina is a crazy american. From Chicago very individual and well just crazy.
I first met her one tuesday evening i think, she was teaching after a house meal. She was talking about other cultures and how we must love them just as much as our own christian families. So the excersise for that evening was praying in the style of muslims but to our god obviously. it was a really creative way of almost shocking people into broadening their mind sets, to opening their hearts to change they way they think. she is amazing like that! just comes in and does something that at the time seems like a pin drop but will then be like a bomb going off in your heart 2 days later!
The next time i saw her was one evening we were dropping off alisa after fixing her computer and Charls internet lead thing and all sorts. I had a really bad evening that day and was fuming. But tina being tina had me crying with laughter within minutes, we swapped stories about god ans life and everything we knew, and realised tehre and then that we would be friends for a very long time. She really did teach me that day alone, how to be a 21 year old girl, that it is ok to be silly and playful and "immature" (something i have always struggled with, and soemthing i strugle with every day) From that point on we had 13 dyas to spend together before she went home and they were 13 days of fun and love and laughter and teaching. She just changed so much and made me realise that god loves individuality, and i dont have to be ther perfect stepford houeswife to also be a good christian.
I think thats enough for now as im really really tired. more 2moro!
Praise god today for something amazing he did (that shouldnt be too hard, just open your eyes)
peace out
Miss B x x x
Sunday 2 August 2009
This Christian: My Story
Hey guys,
So this blog is probably going to be all about god, and my exploration of his love and devotion, and everything in between. I figured that before i started going on about whats happening these days i would give a quick (ISH) overview of life from the day i found god until today (or whenever i get up to in the next hour or so.
so back in 2005 when i was just 17 years olf, i came back from a bit of a worldwide expedition. at 16 i fell in "love" with a man from south africa and decided to go back home with him. when it didnt work out i came back the long way round. 2 hours after i got home i started feeling a bit funny, just very tired (figured it was jet lag) so i went to sleep for a bit. when i woke up i knew something was wrong my head felt like it was going to explode, any tiny speckle of light or sound would send searing pain through my head, i was freezing cold and boiling hot at the same time, my joints felt stiff and heavy, i had lost my power of speech and was reduced to a babble, and a dribble and probably the odd burp. Within an hour my mum was on the phone to NHS direct and they waited on the phone with my muim and sent an ambulance to come to me straight away and i was seriously ill and unable to move at this point. i do remember a few things that happened next, and to you they may seem unimportant, but that day changed my life.
I arrived at the hospital, they tried to weigh me and i had lost 11lbs in 4 days and i collapsed on the scale, right into a filing cabinet. The next thing i remember is being in a bed in A&E, i was in a private room with a window, i have tubes coming out of my arms that i later learnt were giving me fluids for dehydration and antibiotics to fight an infection. I remember my head being stuck in the same position facing the right hand side, and the little window was there, i was always looking out of that window, when all sorts was going on i would look, and then that moment came....
There was a man of about 50 in the bay next to mine, i would see him from my window perfectly, he had lots of leads on his chest and was topless and looked awful, about half an hour later or so i watched this man have a heart attack and die, he dies right in front of me. It was then that i first started asking questions about God, who he was and is there was anyway he could have helped this man and his family.
After spending a few weeks in hospital, during which time i had endured seriously painful lumbre punctures and had what felt like my bodyweight in antibiotics pumped into me, i was released on a friday. I had to continue to see a speech therapist as it still wasnt back to normal. the day after that (saturday) i decided that i would visit the local church that was opposite my house to just watch and listen and feel. i wanted to know god and i didnt know how to knock on his door.
An hour later jehovahs witnessess knocked on my door. i felt it was a message from god i felt like these people had been sent by god to help me on my journey.
For a year, maybe a little more than a year i studied hard, only taking one day off from bible studies and meetings, i studied hard because i was hungry, hungry for the lord, hungry to start being the hands and feet of jesus in the modern day. But something was wrong, something didnt feel right, i didnt take what i was taught into my heart, never let it become the biggest part of my life in a spiritual sense not just a physical one, so i led a double life, i would be 18 and go out drinking and smoking and having sex and doing awful things, all the while being the perfect bible student during the day. i have to state at this point that living 2 lives is not ok, you have to live one life for jesus and i think alot of people struggle with that.
It wasnt until i suffered a serious loss that i realised how little i had gained. it was great that i knew my bible backwards and in 3 languages but unless i started walking the walk as well as talking the talk, my relationship with god would never happen!
8 months after this loss some things started to change. I met my partner who we shall call Mr B, and although he was no longer a christian, his family were, so i said i would put God on the back burner, concentrate on just getting my life straight and being a strong person first (not the best way, it would have been much easier with gods help, but thats something we all learn in hindsight!) so for 2 years i just spent time praying, learning thinking meditating, on everything i had previously been taught. It was an incredible time for reflection and a great time for me to be able to work out what i wanted, where god was in my life and in my heart.
That takes us up to a few months ago when i plucked up the courange to go to church with mr B's parents (the F's) and i have never in my life been happier, i was so happy i cried that day. In 2 hours i had learnt more than i ever had before. and most importantly i felt happy, like i could love god as much as i wanted to day by day and that god loves individuality and you can worship him in so many ways!
well that was news to me!
i guess ill leave it there and pick up again in a few days and tell you all the truely amazing things god has done in the last few months! its been truely amazing!!!!
Peace out
Miss B
So this blog is probably going to be all about god, and my exploration of his love and devotion, and everything in between. I figured that before i started going on about whats happening these days i would give a quick (ISH) overview of life from the day i found god until today (or whenever i get up to in the next hour or so.
so back in 2005 when i was just 17 years olf, i came back from a bit of a worldwide expedition. at 16 i fell in "love" with a man from south africa and decided to go back home with him. when it didnt work out i came back the long way round. 2 hours after i got home i started feeling a bit funny, just very tired (figured it was jet lag) so i went to sleep for a bit. when i woke up i knew something was wrong my head felt like it was going to explode, any tiny speckle of light or sound would send searing pain through my head, i was freezing cold and boiling hot at the same time, my joints felt stiff and heavy, i had lost my power of speech and was reduced to a babble, and a dribble and probably the odd burp. Within an hour my mum was on the phone to NHS direct and they waited on the phone with my muim and sent an ambulance to come to me straight away and i was seriously ill and unable to move at this point. i do remember a few things that happened next, and to you they may seem unimportant, but that day changed my life.
I arrived at the hospital, they tried to weigh me and i had lost 11lbs in 4 days and i collapsed on the scale, right into a filing cabinet. The next thing i remember is being in a bed in A&E, i was in a private room with a window, i have tubes coming out of my arms that i later learnt were giving me fluids for dehydration and antibiotics to fight an infection. I remember my head being stuck in the same position facing the right hand side, and the little window was there, i was always looking out of that window, when all sorts was going on i would look, and then that moment came....
There was a man of about 50 in the bay next to mine, i would see him from my window perfectly, he had lots of leads on his chest and was topless and looked awful, about half an hour later or so i watched this man have a heart attack and die, he dies right in front of me. It was then that i first started asking questions about God, who he was and is there was anyway he could have helped this man and his family.
After spending a few weeks in hospital, during which time i had endured seriously painful lumbre punctures and had what felt like my bodyweight in antibiotics pumped into me, i was released on a friday. I had to continue to see a speech therapist as it still wasnt back to normal. the day after that (saturday) i decided that i would visit the local church that was opposite my house to just watch and listen and feel. i wanted to know god and i didnt know how to knock on his door.
An hour later jehovahs witnessess knocked on my door. i felt it was a message from god i felt like these people had been sent by god to help me on my journey.
For a year, maybe a little more than a year i studied hard, only taking one day off from bible studies and meetings, i studied hard because i was hungry, hungry for the lord, hungry to start being the hands and feet of jesus in the modern day. But something was wrong, something didnt feel right, i didnt take what i was taught into my heart, never let it become the biggest part of my life in a spiritual sense not just a physical one, so i led a double life, i would be 18 and go out drinking and smoking and having sex and doing awful things, all the while being the perfect bible student during the day. i have to state at this point that living 2 lives is not ok, you have to live one life for jesus and i think alot of people struggle with that.
It wasnt until i suffered a serious loss that i realised how little i had gained. it was great that i knew my bible backwards and in 3 languages but unless i started walking the walk as well as talking the talk, my relationship with god would never happen!
8 months after this loss some things started to change. I met my partner who we shall call Mr B, and although he was no longer a christian, his family were, so i said i would put God on the back burner, concentrate on just getting my life straight and being a strong person first (not the best way, it would have been much easier with gods help, but thats something we all learn in hindsight!) so for 2 years i just spent time praying, learning thinking meditating, on everything i had previously been taught. It was an incredible time for reflection and a great time for me to be able to work out what i wanted, where god was in my life and in my heart.
That takes us up to a few months ago when i plucked up the courange to go to church with mr B's parents (the F's) and i have never in my life been happier, i was so happy i cried that day. In 2 hours i had learnt more than i ever had before. and most importantly i felt happy, like i could love god as much as i wanted to day by day and that god loves individuality and you can worship him in so many ways!
well that was news to me!
i guess ill leave it there and pick up again in a few days and tell you all the truely amazing things god has done in the last few months! its been truely amazing!!!!
Peace out
Miss B
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